In the world of relating, there is a new paradigm brewing.  Whether in business relationships, romantic or familial interactions, or a passing incident at the grocery store, the traditional tendency is to hold each other in fixed patterns of communication.  These held positions are old stories we continually replay, locking us into repeating the same system of interacting over and over again, hoping for change, but never really achieving a different outcome.  This traps us in a negative feedback loop that impedes us from clear, honest and liberating communication.

For anyone who is in a committed relationship, whether it is couples, friends or families, the love for each other takes us into places--deep beneath what we think we know about ourselves.  The gift of a relationship is that it transports us beyond the threshold of our own self-perception.  Over time, an individual becomes triggered by another’s pressure against them.  At this point, old stories and contractions take center stage and become more important than the actual person that you love.  In an adversarial conversation, most often the words are aimed at the other person, polarizing the situation.  Instead of attracting to each other--north/south--as two magnetic poles do, they wind up configuring south/south or north/north and start to repel from each other.  The story becomes more and more contracted and dense; the attention is shifted from the person and is fixated on the story.  The love and commitment may still be there, but the ease, joy and spontaneity is stilted due to this truncated flow of relating.

Much of relating happens in the unspoken world, in reaction to eye movement, body position and gestures.  NLP, neurolinguistic programming, studies eye position, jaw, posture and breath to understand what people are really trying to express and what they are attempting to conceal from the outside world.  Understanding what is happening on the nonverbal level leads to deeper and less encumbered forms of communication.

This workshop focuses on that non-verbal aspect of relating.  First, a safe, transformative space will be created between each other where safe, conscious games can bring forth the awareness of body language.  One aspect of these games addresses peripheral sight, that field of vision outside the very center of gaze.  In the western world, most individuals are locked into particular, direct sight—just looking at the details, missing the larger context of the space around them and between one another.  Peripheral sight activates that part of the mind where direct sight doesn’t reach.  It stimulates both hemispheres of the brain as well as the reptilian brain, making us more aware of the unseen field of space outside of our direct gaze. It uncovers capabilities in eyesight and perception, providing information that we may not have been aware of.  It allows one to sense the aura around a person, plant or animal.  This shifts us into more instinctive and empathic fields of consciousness,

increasing sensitivity and awareness.  While engaged in this type of cognizance, adversarial communication is a less likely outcome. On the other hand, the possibility to connect on a much deeper and rewarding level is enhanced.

What is meant by safe, transformative space?  It is a non-dualistic field of energy uniting individuals.  It offers both parties a safe place to share intense communication and experiences without feeling attacked, overwhelmed or blamed.  Within this energetic field, a birthing bowl of co-creative change results, allowing the relationship to move to a deeper, more dynamic level.

For example, as a couple or a group sits together, they can be absorbed in conversation but still feel separate from each other.  Or, in a business relationship, a misinterpretation escalates into an adversarial position.  This new paradigm of relating can be tantamount in changing that. Being able to understand one’s position and what it is connected to before it escalates into an argument is invaluable.  A way to change that is to address the space between two people; it is comprised of the union of their energies, creating a membrane between them.  This energetic sheath uniting them is greater than either individual.  It provides fertile ground for new possibilities.  Imagine the individuals as two magnetic rods held in space; they feel the pull to connect and explore the power of this invisible force.  The space between is rich with energetic potential.  This field, the space between, will be explored in luscious detail.  You will learn to speak, listen and feel into this fluid vessel of creativity.  You will come to know, experientially, how this field operates and what potential it holds for you.

Another aspect of nonverbal communication, matching and pacing, will be discussed.  Milton Erickson was a psychiatrist and psychologist, regarded by many as the foremost practitioner of medical hypnosis in his time. He had an amazing capacity to build rapport with another.  He would notice where a person lived within their inner world, the way they breathed, sat or moved. He was also able to unlock the position behind their outer statement.  As a result, he established profound, resting agreement with the other person.  He was able to match their position until they relaxed.   In that relaxed state, many more things would be revealed, leading to a person’s core truth, beyond the fixed story.  Instead of just being someone outside of the conversation, he would be inside the conversation with the person, as they spoke.  A deep sense of trust and safety bonds both parties at this point. This is the place in relating where change through a co-creative process actually becomes fun to create and explore.  One person is willing to make changes because he sees that the other person is making changes right alongside him. This is the Art of Transformative Relating.

The workshop will spend time embracing and understanding the concept of peoples’ fixed stories, through non-adversarial communication. This will be done through physical, mental and emotional interactions that allow us to find new ways of connecting to reveal in a caring and loving way, the hidden stories that we carry within. We will practice processes to reveal the story and find ways to get behind it and inside it with a physical practice to release its tension.  We will bring it into awareness through playful games, allowing it to change in a co-creative process, constantly acknowledging the kinetic space between the two.

The ultimate goal of this workshop is to leave you with this possibility:

When an adversarial conversation occurs, the most transformative approach would be to ask, “would you be willing to listen to what I am carrying as I put it in the space between us?  Would you be willing to witness it and hold space for it?  It’s mine, not yours.  And even though it might have and edge in your name, it is mine. Would you witness it and help me put it in space so that it doesn’t contract deep inside me where it hardens against you?”  When presented in this way, a person has a chance to witness the communication without being bombarded.  The communication happens with their consent.  It is an entirely different track.   Objective inquiry and the space between are but a few tools for uncovering the unspoken realities between two parties.  Little attention is given to the delicious world that exists between two individuals. It is one of the most powerful tools to transformational change, whether in business or personal relationships. 

Please join us in this transformation.

The Art and Science of Transformative Relating Workshop Info